Today I finally got to read the summary letter that Supercilious, another one of the greats from the medical professionals, had written about me.
I had made the appointment to see No Name. Remember No Name is the doctor I see when I am not feeling well enough to drive the 100 km. to see Squirt. I did not have to wait long before I was ushered into his presence. No Name gave me a synopsis of that most valuable document, my summary letter. He actually summed it up in seven words – Supercilious wrote, “There is nothing wrong with this woman!”
I recovered quickly as I always do after hearing ludicrous statements. Then to my amusement No Name asked me if I would consider taking a verbal panic test because he felt I might have some panic issues. It took me a few seconds to collect my wits while I hung onto the chair to keep from rolling on the floor laughing my head off. I humbly agreed and answered all his questions. When the test was over he was very perplexed. He said that fatigue was my only panic disorder symptom. I asked in a very neutral voice whether the fact that I was so fatigued might be because of my sleepless nights. No Name agreed that could be so. No Name then asked me if I would consider taking a prescription for some sleeping pills. I looked at him for a while and said, “All right I will take the prescription.” He then hauled a sample box of Paxil out of his drawer and asked if I would take those as well. No Name informed me that Paxil was a fabulous drug for people with a panic disorder. Suddenly, within a five-minute time span my problem had gone from being a panic issue to being a panic disorder. Remember I had just been told that fatigue was my only panic disorder symptom. I said I would take the box of Paxil. He began writing in my chart. Suddenly he stopped writing, turned in his chair and looked at me with this beatific smile on his face. He said, “Widebertha, I am so happy that you have finally consented to take these pills!” I looked No Name right in the eye and said, “Now don’t you get too excited or get your knickers in a twist because I never said I would actually swallow them.” The joy that was so visible on No Name’s face when he thought he had finally convinced me to sedate myself quickly vanished. I guess this is the recommended treatment for 53-year old women these days. Sedate them enough and they will only bother the doctor when they need refills for their sleeping pills and tranquilizers. The doctor still makes the money on the appointments for medication refills but does not have to worry about making a diagnosis.
As I got up to leave I asked No Name for a copy of the summary letter that Supercilious, the endocrinologist, had sent to him. I left the office clutching my photocopy of that very important letter.
Oh my, oh my, oh my! What a shock to my system when I read that summary letter from Supercilious. I cannot bear to write about it today. The letter is such a farce that I must think long and hard about how I will handle this.
When I returned home, I had an email waiting from the Hormone doctor. I had emailed the Hormone doctor and asked him about my low vasopressin level.
The Hormone doctor wrote, “The Urine osmolality being high at the beginning of the test would argue that you do not have Diabetes Insipidus, with the caveat that diuretics can raise the osmality and may mask the Diabetes Insipidus. The low Vasopressin agrues that you have it. If possible you should repeat the test off the diuretic, but I understand that you cannot be off it without feeling miserable.”
He went on to say that I should be taking a potassium supplement. I agree with him. However, when I mentioned this to Squirt and No Name they both had the same reaction. They both shrugged their shoulders!
If things were different, I would ditch these yahoos I have been seeing and be on the next plane to California!