Today I received some very disheartening news. I am devastated. I received an email from the National Institutes of Health and it reads as follows: “We received the copies of your radiology films. Both Drs. ______ and _______ reviewed the medical records and films that were sent. Their impression is the adrenal gland abnormalities seen on CT are limited to the left side with some thickness and/or nodularity but this is not an unusual finding for your age (also noted by one of your physicians). The results of testing that has been done do not support a diagnosis of Cushing’s syndrome. Drs. _______and _________ do not feel that an adrenal cause is likely to be responsible for the medical problems and problems with weight gain that you are experiencing. Therefore, you are not eligible for their adrenal protocol at NIH. We appreciate your interest in our protocol. Please let me know where to return the films. We extend our best wishes to you. If you have any questions, please let us know.”

After receiving this email I felt like making a call to the nearest crisis centre and yelling “Funny farm here I come!” At this point a big jug of Lonesome Charlie looks mighty inviting.

I have had my fill of the brightest bulbs in the tulip patch telling me there is nothing wrong! I need to collect my thoughts and when I have the strength plot a new line of defense. This is getting to be beyond ridiculous.

Should I succumb to this mystery illness, I have instructed my husband to buy the biggest tombstone he can find. I want it placed in a prominent place in the cemetery and the message on it will read “DAMM SHE REALLY WAS SICK!”