Not Over Till The Fat Lady Sings

“Books are the quietest and most constant of friends; they are the most accessible and wisest of counsellors, and the most patient of teachers.” – Charles W. Eliot (1834 – 1926)

Monday was D-day; my appointment with the hypertension specialist. When I woke up on Monday morning and looked out the bedroom window I was horrified to see that it was snowing and blowing snow outside.   A few minutes later as I was looking out the living room window I saw an accident at the two way stop sign just down the street. This little white car was driving through the intersection when this huge brown truck that had failed to stop ran into it. The little white car spun around several times and when it came to a stop the whole front end was a total wreck. A young kid got out of the little white car and he looked mighty distressed. The woman who was driving the truck and the man who was her passenger got out of their vehicle and all I could see was her arms and hands in perpetual motion. The truck had no visible damage. I felt so sorry for the kid. After seeing the accident happen I wondered if this was a sign that we should stay off the roads that day.

Since appointments with specialist are so hard to get; we decided to risk it. It is only a 45 mile drive but let me tell you it was nerve wracking. The highway was sheer ice with snow blowing across it.  In places the snow had built up on the highway surface. No one was traveling more than 60 -70 kms an hour.  I breathed a sigh of relief once we reached the city limits.

When we finally reached the hospital my husband told me to take a deep breath because my blood pressure would be through the roof after the stress of the drive. You can imagine my shock when the nurse took my blood pressure and it registered 124/84. She asked me why I was there.  At that moment I wondered the same thing myself. She then took a look at the letter No Name had sent and said, “Oh I guess you have a reason to be here with blood pressure readings that high. ” Obviously it is not stress that causes my blood pressure to spike.”

The hypertension specialist was interesting to say the least.  At first I got the impression that he thought I had no reason to be concerned.  I told him I would be very happy to go home and stop worrying.  He told me that he was concerned, especially since my blood pressure fluctuated, spiking as high as 234/110 and then dropping as low as 90/53. The hypertension specialist mentioned that he would be asking for copies of the results of my echocardiogram and CT Scans of the adrenal glands. He ordered blood work which included tests for C3, C4, aldosterone, renin and a renal panel (potassium, BUN etc.). I had this done at the hospital where his clinic is located. He told me he would be sending a letter to No Name requesting that I have further tests done to rule out a Pheochromocytoma. I am to see him again in six weeks.

These past few days have been strange indeed. There are some nasty people out there in cyberspace who continue to bombard me with email viruses.  I have counted 15 so far today.  I am tracking the IP addresses and my internet provider has promised to look into the matter.

I would like to take this opportunity to thank Anne for the kind and supportive message she posted. Anne, your post uplifted my spirit and put a smile on my face. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. The world is a better place because of people like you who believe in truth, kindness and integrity.

Tuesday morning I had my 5 minute appointment with No Name. I needed to have some prescriptions refilled. I asked No Name for copies of my latest lab tests and he obliged. Since my appointment to discuss these results is on March 17, I wanted to make sure I had them in hand for my appointment with the hypertension specialist on March 1.

The lab reports showed some interesting but confusing results. My 8:00 AM serum cortisol was high at 757 with the lab normal noted as 70-415 nmol/L. My 4:00 PM serum cortisol was low at 66 with the lab normal noted as 70-415 nmol/L. The result of the 24 hour urine cortisol was low at 53. My blood pressure at the lab was 178/110. This corresponded with the reading I had an hour before I left for the lab. Maybe the fluctuating cortisol levels are another reason for my bone pain, the inability to stay asleep and the extreme fatigue.

Later that afternoon I took another look at my lab test results because I had a nagging feeling that something was missing. It didn’t take long for me to realize that the lab had neglected to do all of the tests they were asked to do. I then noticed the second error; they did not test for fractionated metanephrines. The lab technicians had been given strict instructions to do a fractionated urine metanephrine but they decided it was too complicated. I shouldn’t be surprised. After all this is the same lab that neglected to tell me in the past that you need to follow very strict dietary guidelines for up to five days before a metanephrine test. The third and fourth errors; the lab conveniently neglected to do a plasma metanephrine and a 24 hour epinephrine. They certainly took enough tubes of blood so that cannot be their excuse. They certainly had enough urine since I brought in one full jug and one quarter full jug. Since this is the only hospital lab in the area it is scary to think what happens to inpatients. Could this be one reason why so many end up downstairs with tags on their toes?  The fifth error; they omitted the DHEA test.

According to the information available at http://pheochromocytoma.org, “the 24 hour urine tests for catecholamines, metanephrines and VMA are fairly standard in the beginning stages of a diagnosis. These must be performed correctly; the urine specimen must be kept refrigerated during collection, and an acid preservative added to the collection bottle. In some cases, unless the individual has an episode during collection, the urine test could be negative, even with a pheochromocytoma present. There is a blood test available which tests Plasma Metanephrines and Catecholamines. Some pheochromocytomas researchers believe that because of the high sensitivity of the plasma free metanephrines and the low incidence of the tumor, that plasma free metanephrines should be carried out as the first test. If that is not available, then the next best test is urinary fractionated metanephrines, but NOT urinary TOTAL metanephrines.”

It is very obvious that my phone call and then my actual visit to this lab to discuss the metanephrine tests were in vain. The lab technicians had no intentions of following instructions. Again I shouldn’t be surprised. Last summer the lab refused to do several tests my doctor had ordered. When I telephoned the “big boss” at the lab, he informed me that they only did routine tests at their hospital; that their lab was more like a factory with a conveyor belt.  Anything that didn’t fit the size and speed of the conveyor belt was refused.

The good news is that I am still alive and kicking; well, maybe not kicking. People who have not experienced this never ending pain and never ending struggle to find medical help have no idea what we go through. The countless disappointments with doctor appointments that end in futility eventually take their toll.

I don’t trust doctors. How can I, when I have not found one that has had my best interest in mind in the last 6 years.  I am one of those “throw away” women. I am 56, overweight, in pain and sick and quite frankly I believe that my doctors consider me a throw away.  I believe they look at me and think, “What could this fat old woman possibly contribute to society” and then promptly disregard anything I have to say. It has become obvious that in their eyes my life and my health mean nothing.

These medical professionals will not destroy me and throw me on that heap with the other “throw away” women. They will not succeed in making me doubt myself and my sanity.  I will not be a mistake that they can bury and forget about. My words will haunt them long after I am gone.

My cat has decided to make my flower basket his new hang out. I figured why not and added a cozy blanket to make it more comfortable. Come next Christmas I might have a problem when I want to use this basket for my real evergreen branches and poinsettias. We will cross that bridge when we get to it.

This past week has been a mixed bag of good and not so good news.  I received a letter from the hypertension specialist telling me that my appointment has been scheduled for March 1, 2004. After being told by his secretary that they were booking appointments for patients referred last year I figured I would have to wait several months to see him. Needless to say the letter made me very happy. I am a little worried about my spiking blood pressure and hopefully the hypertension specialist will have some answers.

The temperatures in our part of the world are finally warming up. Daytime temperatures this week have been hovering around minus 5C. What a difference from the minus 29C temperatures two weeks ago. We have had a lot of snow and are hoping for a gradual melt to avoid flooding this spring.

We received an email this past week from friends who have spent the winter in Texas. They will be heading home at the beginning of March and this is good news indeed. We have missed them and it will be good to spend time with them again. I am sure they will arrive at home sporting lovely tans while we still look like Casper the ghost.

On Friday I picked up the movie called “Secondhand Lions”. Even though there are negative reviews in some papers, I thought this was a wonderful, funny and heartwarming movie to watch with my nine year old grandson. I suspect some of the reviews which included comments like “terribly ineffective”, “less than inspired”, “sentimental hooey” and “a third rate lark” have been written by the people who will always find something negative about any movie that does not cater to their anti-traditional family orientated political agenda. I agreed with the papers that published reviews which included statements such as “combines a gentle coming of age story with swashbuckling fantasy”, a feel-good celebration of youth and old age enriching each other..carefully leavened with humor” and “comedic fantasy with a big heart”. To say my grandson enjoyed this movie is an understatement. He watched it with his papa on Friday evening, with both of us on Saturday afternoon and with his parents on Saturday evening.

There was no school on Friday so I took this opportunity to pick up my grandson and go to my parents for lunch. My mother, my grandson and I; three generations represented; played several very lively games of Skippo. My grandson is very fortunate to have Papa 1 and Nana 1 in his life. Not every child has a great grandpa and great grandma to spend time with.

The pain is still very much a part of my life and that is the not so good news. Some days it is harder to tolerate and I use up all my resources to cope with it. This past week was one of those weeks when I found the pain particularly difficult.  Thankfully, most of the time I can conquer my frustration and discouragement with the pain and just go on with the day. When the discouragement and frustration settle in I know it is time for a pep talk. I remind myself that “this too shall pass” and that there is always hope for a resolution. When one is dealing with a chronic, undiagnosed illness, one must believe that there will ultimately be an answer. I have come to the conclusion that there must be a reason why I remain ill and undiagnosed. Right now I have no idea what that reason might be but in order to keep my sanity I have to believe that one day I will understand why.

This week I have been receiving daily emails with viruses attached. Thankfully I have a very good virus checker so the attempts made by the “sickies” to disable my computer are being thwarted. Since this brazen attempt to destroy my computer has only started this week I have to wonder if the Drama Queens are involved.  Surely they would not stoop so low.  On the other hand I doubt whether the Drama Queens have the computer savvy to bombard someone with viruses sent by email. Needless to say this is one of the not so good news items to report. Hopefully who ever is responsible for this onslaught of malicious intent will get tired of targeting poor old me.

This past week was not one that I would want to keep in my memory bank.  I am not sure why I feel so discouraged and unmotivated. Could it possibly be because of the pathetic medical care I am receiving combined with the blood pressure problems? Could the fact that I will have to wait forever to see the hypertension specialist be a contributing factor? Is the bone pain getting worse or is the medication no longer working? The pain issue is beginning to frighten me.  Usually I am able to push these negative feelings aside and find something interesting to occupy my mind.  I was unable to do that this week.

I called the office of the hypertension specialist last week to find out if I could expect an appointment any time soon. The secretary told me that they were booking appointments for patients that had been referred LAST year so I would have to wait for a while.  Needless to say, this information did not improve my state of mind.

The appointment with the neurologist has been scheduled for March 18th. I am counting on this being a successful appointment. This doctor has been my neurologist for many years and he has always had my best interest in mind.

The support forum membership is growing and there has been an increase in messages every day. I attribute this to the wonderful group of moderators on the forum. The participants in the Thursday and Saturday evening chats are a great group of women who support and encourage each other. Last week, a Tuesday morning chat was added for those people who find it difficult to attend the evening chats.

When you see the discord on some boards, I realize how fortunate I am that my support forum and chats are frequented by kind, caring, non-abusive people. I want to take this opportunity to thank you all from the bottom of my heart. One of the troublemaking drama queens invaded my space this week with the intent to cause trouble and to cause friction. Why this drama queen found it necessary to invade my space I will never know.  She has absolutely no interest in me personally and absolutely no interest in my website.  She posted numerous messages on two boards; one that is being maliciously attacked and the other with members that are instigating the attacks. These silly messages portrayed her perception of the 30 second interaction we had the evening she invaded my space. This drama queen did not have the wherewithal to understand that it is the members of the new “not so upstanding” board that are not welcome in my space.  Of course, this invasion bothered me, especially after I was made aware of all the negative and derisive comments being made about me on the “not so upstanding” board. Then I came to my senses and realized that there will always be unfulfilled drama queens in cyber space whose only goal in life is to try and cause problems for other people. Of course the drama queens I speak of come in both the male and female variety. I had hoped that my name would never appear on the “not so upstanding” board, but alas my wishes were in vain.  I have never invaded the space of the “not so upstanding” board and never will. I just cannot understand why the drama queens from the “not so upstanding” board feel the need to invade my space? Could it be that their “not so upstanding” board is boring and that the drama queens have an uncontrollable urge to find weird “excitement” elsewhere?  I was under the impression that someone suffering from an autoimmune disease should avoid stress. It is so pitiful that these drama queens, who apparently are all suffering from an autoimmune disease, find the need to put stress on others who are also suffering. Thankfully, in the words of my mother, “This too shall pass.”

“To know how to grow old is the master-work of wisdom, and one of the most difficult chapters in the great art of living.”    ~ Henry Frederic Amiel 1821- 19881

On Friday morning I brought my two jugs (24 hour urine for metanephrines) back to the hospital lab. There is nothing dignified about a 24 hour urine collection.  Since the hospital lab opens to the general public at 8:00 AM, I made sure I was there by 7:45 AM. I had brought my lab forms in on Wednesday so that they could be ready for the lab on Friday morning.  Since the receptionists at the front desk at the hospital cannot be described as Ms Speedy Gonzales’s, I bring my lab forms in a day early so I don’t have to wait the hour it takes them to print the requisitions for the lab.  My luck being what it is, Brunhilda the Cantankerous was at the hospital reception desk on Friday morning.  Some poor guy was waiting for his requisitions when I arrived so I took my two jugs to the lab.  By the time I returned to the front desk, Brunhilda was doing nothing more than contemplating her navel. I told her who I was and that I was there to pick up my lab requisitions. She glowered at me and told me to take a seat because it would take some time.  I should mention that by this time Brunhilda and I were the only two people at the front desk and the waiting room.  I informed Brunhilda that my cortisol blood test had to be done at precisely 8:00 AM and it was now five minutes to eight.  She told me that she was the only one working at the front desk.   She complained that to find my requistions she would have to get up and go look for them.   She adivsed me take a seat because this could take a while.  I told her I would hold her responsible and report her if I had to come back another day for this test. With that she managed to get her butt off the chair, walk the two feet to the counter, pick up my prepared requisitions and hand them to me.  After all the effort Brunhilda probably had to take a 29 minute coffee break.

I had to return to the hospital later that afternoon for the 4:00 PM cortisol blood draw. The results of the tests should be back in two to three weeks. Hopefully this time around the results will show a reason for my symptoms.

My blood pressure is still spiking throughout the day which is very frustrating. The medication I am taking is obviously not keeping it under control.

It is finally warming up outside. The high today was minus 2 C. Hopefully we will have an early spring this year.

Grandson was very excited this weekend. His team won the exhibition hockey game they played on Friday night. After the game, Grandson came over for his regular Friday night sleep over. The two of us watched the movie “Johnny English.” I may already have mentioned this and if so forgive me. My grandson will be on the hockey team going to Provincials next month.

The telephone conversation I had with a lab technician at the local hospital this morning was a complete farce. I called to make arrangements to have the tests done that No Name had ordered on Monday.  I gave the technician a run down of the tests that had been ordered. I then asked her to please give me a list of the dietary restrictions for each of the tests. The lab technician told me that were no dietary restrictions, that they didn’t do these tests and that I would have to go to the city to have these tests done.  I told her that was ridiculous since No Name was my doctor, that he had ordered the tests and that I lived in the community. I told her that the city labs only did tests ordered by doctors in the city. I knew this because I had tried to have tests, ordered by No Name, done in the city. I went on to tell her that the lab she worked in was the hospital lab in the only hospital in the community and they must certainly be capable of doing these tests.

I finally got to speak to her supervisor. When the lab technician passed my call on to her supervisor I heard her say sarcastically; “This woman wants to talk to you and she is very irate.” Silly woman, she should hear me when I am irate! The supervisor informed me after a 10 minute wait on the phone that yes there were dietary restrictions.  I had to ask her to please give me the list. The superior then went on to say that the tests were too complicated and involved for their hospital lab.  Heaven help anyone who is an inpatient at this hospital!  She said she would have to call my doctor.

No Name’s office called me 30 minutes later and told me that the hospital would do the 24 hour urine cortisol, the plasma cortisol at 8:00 AM and 4:00 PM and the 24 hour urine creatinine. The hospital lab refused to do the metanephrine and catecholamine tests because they did not know how to do a fractionated metanephrine test. This latest experience makes me wonder if I want any tests done by this hospital lab. I was told that No Name had contacted a hypertension specialist in the city and this specialist would do the metanephrine and catecholamine tests when I saw him.

I will be receiving a call from the office of the hypertension specialist and they will give me the date of my appointment at that time.  Quite frankly I am surprised that anyone survives a stay at the local hospital. I know that the hospital lab has made errors with quite a few of my earlier tests but after talking to the lab technicians this morning their incompetence surprises even me.

My blood pressure has been fluctuating all day today.  After the debacle with the new blood pressure meds on Tuesday, I resumed taking Inhibace 5mg. once a day. This morning my blood pressure was 189/110 but at 5:00 PM it was 100/63. Since Tuesday it has gone as high as 220/110 and as low as 90/53. These highs and lows take place in a matter of a few hours. I am quite sure it is the sudden drops that are making me so tired that I have been falling asleep at the keyboard.

 School was cancelled today. It was -35C with a wind chill of -50C.  Minus 40 Fahrenheit and minus 40 Celsius is the same temperature.  Because of the cold temperatures I cancelled my appointment with the neurologist.  I did not feel comfortable driving 50 miles in this kind of weather.

Around 11:00 PM on Monday evening my left foot became very painful. I had no idea why but did mention to my husband that I hoped it was not a blood clot.

No Name prescribed a new blood pressure medication, (Adalat 30 mg.) for me on Monday afternoon.  I was given 10 mg. of this medication sub-lingually in emergency.  I took my first 30 mg. dose on Tuesday around 10:00 AM.  My foot was still extremely painful but at this point I thought it was just one of those bizarre things that happen to me.  By noon I had the start of a pretty bad headache. By 2:00 PM I was projectile vomiting and in excruciating pain. My blood pressure was on the rise as well at 170/110.

Thank goodness that I had the wherewithal to call the pharmacist before I called No Name. The pharmacist told me to go to emergency because the headache and the foot pain were known side effects of Adalat. He also told me not to take another Adalat because it could worsen an already bad reaction.

Since I hate the hospital, I decided to call No Name and his nurse told me she would tell him about the severe headache, the vomiting and the rise in blood pressure. She called back a few minutes later and told me that No Name wanted me to take another 30 mg. Adalat. I told the nurse that I had spoken to the pharmacist and there was no way I was taking another pill. Heaven only knows what would have happened if I had not called the pharmacist first. I might just have been dumb enough to listen to No Name’s advice and take that second pill. The nurse then told me to come to the clinic as soon as possible.

By this time I was in horrendous pain and vomiting so frequently that I could not possibly drive. My husband came to pick me up and by the time I got to the clinic I was quite hysterical. My head felt like it had a great big vise around the back of my skull that kept tightening. The pressure and pain were unbearable. The nurse took my blood pressure as soon as I arrived and it was up at 220/110. I was given Demerol and gravol which took about 45 minutes to kick in. The Demerol made the headache bearable and the gravol eventually stopped the vomiting. Because the Adalat I took was the slow release kind, I was not able to get rid of the headache until the drug left my body.

We finally got home around 4:00 PM and I was able to sleep for several hours. My husband took my blood pressure around 8:00 PM and it was 106/63. He took it again around 5:00 AM today and it was 100/53. This was quite a drop from the 220/110 yesterday afternoon.

To say I am worried is an understatement. Today I felt like I had been run over by a truck. The exhaustion is profound and my ribs are very sore.

On Monday, while I was in emergency, I had an EKG. The technician was a pleasant woman. She had no problems putting the leads on my body but when she wanted to start the test she had no clue how to run the machine.  Apparently this was a new EKG machine and had only been in the hospital for two months. It seems that the word “training” is not in the vocabulary of the hospital administrators.  Since I am not fond of emergency wards I decided that I had better help her figure out the machine or I would be there all night. I decided it must be much like a computer and she finally managed to get a print out. During the process she kept saying how fortunate I was that I was “not critical.” At the end she nearly panicked when she could not remove the paper. I told her to press a button that said “release paper” or something to that effect.  I then showed her that the paper had a perforated edge and that she could just tear it off. Meanwhile I was silently thanking my lucky stars that I was not “critical.” Imagine lying in an emergency room after suffering a heart attack and having an EKG technician arrive that has no clue how to run the machine. It just boggles my mind.

A series of tests are scheduled for Monday, February 2nd. I have to avoid certain foods and medications for five days prior to having the tests done. I can only hope and pray that these tests will finally show conclusively what is causing this secondary hypertension.

Last week at chat, my friend Heather listened to my complaints about my symptoms and reminded me to ask for a catecholamine and metanephrine test the next time I saw No Name.  I will be forever grateful to her for reminding me of these two tests.

I had tried to get an appointment with No Name on January 9th but he was unavailable.  kBecause of the back log of patients, I could not get an appointment with him until today, January 26th.

When I got to the appointment, the nurse asked me why I wanted to see No Name. My answer was that I was concerned about my blood pressure spikes, the continuing, all consuming bone pain and the gross boil under my arm. She proceeded to take my blood pressure and when I asked her if it was within the “stroke zone” she looked up and gave me a funny look. My blood pressure was 234/110 sitting down. I was then told that I had malignant hypertension and would not be allowed to leave the doctor’s office.

Thankfully, I had prepared some notes for this appointment. After Heather’s reminder at chat I had done some research on metanephrine and catecholamine tests. I very quickly realized that the two metanephrine tests I had done at the local lab had not been done under the right conditions. No one told me that I had to avoid caffeine, bananas, vanilla, vanilla extract, chocolate and a lengthy list of other foods for two days before the test. Many foods can cause false positives, but caffeine is the most frequent cause of false negative results.  Acetaminophen or any drugs containing acetaminophen can be a problem as well.  I know that prior to my previous metanephrine tests I had taken Tylenol for leg pain at night. I also was not aware that the plasma metanephrine test has a much higher accuracy rate than the urine tests. I also found out that the metanephrine test should be a fractionated metanephrines and not total metanephrines. I spent some time explaining this to No Name.

The lab work No Name requested will help to determine if I have a pheochromocytoma. Pheochromocytomas are usually benign. They may occur in or near the adrenal glands, or anywhere along the sympathetic nervous system roughly from the base of the skull to the bladder. The most apparent symptom, caused by the increased secretion of epinephrine and norepinephrine, is hypertension, or high blood pressure. This hypertension may be constant or intermittent. Attacks may occur every few months or several times daily. Physical and emotional stresses can initiate an attack.  During severe attacks, patients may experience headache, sweating, apprehension, palpation, tremor, pallor or flushing of the face, nausea and vomiting, pain in the chest and abdomen. There may be a tingling, burning, or crawling sensation on the skin of arms or legs or urinary difficulties. I of course, have been experiencing these symptoms for quite some time along with “adrenaline rushes” and orthostatic hypotension with blackouts. Maybe this would also explain the nodule I have near my hepatic artery which the radiologist called a “maybe swollen lymph node.” It might also explain the “cyst” I have behind my sinuses.

My blood pressure was taken again about half way through the appointment. It had fallen to 198/120. Apparently it was not low enough for me to go home so I was sent to emergency at the hospital. When I got to emergency I was given Adalat 10 mg. sub-lingually and an EKG. Finally after an hour my blood pressure was down to 145/100 and I was allowed to go home.

Hopefully the new blood pressure medication will put a stop to these spikes. I have been told that high blood pressure is “silent” but I have always been able to tell when it gets too high. My vision blurs and I get an uncomfortable pressure and pounding in my head and chest.

I can only hope and pray that the resulting test requisitions from today’s experience will finally lead to a diagnosis. Almost six years of these symptoms is enough.

Success:

To laugh often and much;
To win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children;
To earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends;
To appreciate beauty, to find the best in others;
To leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch or a redeemed social condition;
To know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived.
This is to have succeeded.

~ Bessie Stanley (1905)

Yesterday was one of the coldest days we have had this winter. Because of the early morning snow and blowing snow school was cancelled. Grandson and I spent a cozy afternoon together; going out to get some goodies, watching movies, working on his website and chatting. We decided to brave the cold and drive over to the nearest Safeway to stock up on comfort food and movies. Nana had a bit of a shock when she hit some ice on the Safeway driveway and her car took on a life of its own. Grandson yelled “Nana what are you doing” as the car ran over the boulevard. Being the “expert” that she is, Nana managed to maintain control and it was only seconds before the car was on the right side of the road again. Afternoons like this are so special; I will treasure them always.

The bone pain is like an enemy who cannot take no for an answer. It hovers around even though I have politely and not so politely asked it to leave. It is like the drama queens who have no other purpose in life but to make life difficult for others. It will come creeping into your life subtly, making you think the relationship might just be bearable. Then when you least expect it; it attacks you with a vengeance. It has no compassion, no tolerance; but attacks when you are most vulnerable. Pain like the drama queens is fickle and mean. Like the drama queens, pain will keep up its nasty assault until you feel like you have used up all your resources to keep it at bay. Like drama queens, pain twists your thoughts and your words. Pain causes the mind to try to think up reasons for why it exists just like the drama queens delude themselves with the reasons for their cruel actions. However, this battle can be won even though it is hard, tiring and eventually very monotonous. One must be diligent and continue to fight to ignore the pain just as one would do with the drama queens.

To Much Time

“There was a plain middle aged lady,
With too much time on her hands
Her only form of entertainment
Was a silly peculiar man
Sadly they lacked imagination
But hungered for recognition and fame
So to indulge their silly fantasies
Internet theft became their game.”

~ by WB

“The greatest homage we can pay to truth is to use it.”

“Be yourself; no base imitator of another, but your best self. There is something which you can do better than another. Listen to the inward voice and bravely obey that. Do the things at which you are great, not what you were never made for.”

~ Ralph Waldo Emerson (1802-1882)

First I would like to thank my many readers for taking the time and making the effort to visit my blog.. I appreciate it.

I am still dealing with this horrible pain issue. I read 5 books this past week trying to find a distraction from the pain. At times it worked. The nights have been awful. I have not been able to sleep for more than an hour at a time. Thank goodness I have no major commitments and can just hibernate in my home. I can only hope and pray that my appointment with the neurologist next week will yield some positive results.

My daughter and I have spent several afternoons checking out recipes on the internet. I can hardly wait to try some of the items that are featured on the recipes that she went home with this afternoon. She is going to try to make a Russian Cheesecake (usually made for Easter). According to the recipe this is going to be a three day project. I personally hate cooking or baking. Quite frankly, I have no idea how my daughter developed this love of baking and cooking unusual and complicated things.

I just finished running into my first bunch of crazy internet people. I decided that it was prudent that I made sure that my site hwas safe, friendly and fun.