February 14, 2002

This afternoon the secretary for the endocrinologist in the west called me to tell that my appointment has been cancelled.  Apparently February 18th is holiday in that city.  My appointment has been rescheduled for February 25th.  I have to admit I was disappointed.  However, I am just thankful that the secretary has made an appointment for Feb. 25th.  I cannot wait much longer.

Changing my airline ticket was not a piece of cake.  I ended up with a credit at the airline.  My flight on Feb. 25th is cheaper than my flight would have been on Feb. 18th.  Because I had purchased the ticket for Feb. 18th I could not get a refund on that ticket.  Instead the Feb. 18th ticket was cancelled and the money applied to the Feb. 25th ticket with the difference being credited to me instead of refunded.

My fatigue and muscle weakness seems to be deteriorating on a weekly basis now.  I wonder how tired a person can become before they are too tired to move.  Some mornings I really believe that I am close to that point.  The pain in my Achilles tendons is much worse again.  I find it hard to believe that two general practitioners, three endocrinologists, 3 residents, and an intern cannot figure out what is happening with these tendons.  They all concur that I have what they call a mass on each tendon.  They concur that the mass is painful to touch.  You see in order to look at the lumps, they all have grabbed my legs exactly where these lumps are situated and nearly got my knee in their faces.  I guess because I reacted instinctively they realized that these lumps actually hurt.  My word, of course, was never enough to convince them.  But a knee coming within inches of their face was a strong motivator to believe me!

There are many days now that I feel totally useless.  I find it difficult to tidy up my house, difficult to go shopping and sometimes just plain difficult to get through the day.  Dare I hope that by this summer I will have the answers I need to start the recovery process?  Will I ever wake up in the morning and feel like a human being?  Will the pain ever be gone?


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