November 25th, 2002

This afternoon I had another appointment with No Name. I received a phone call from his office on Friday telling me the great one had summoned me to appear at his clinic on Monday to discuss a lab result.

The appointment was a colossal waste of time as far as I was concerned. No Name informed me that my 5HIAA test had come back high. In the next breathe he informed me that it was probably high because of the banana I had eaten three days before the test. Needless to say I was rather ticked off.  I had made a special point of looking the 5HIAA test up on the internet and asking the lab technician at the clinic about food restrictions before taking this test. In fact I specifically asked her about bananas. The lab tech informed me that the head cheese at the esteemed city hospital lab had told her that no such food restrictions were necessary.

However, now that the test has come back high, they are quick to blame it on the one little banana I might have eaten. Quite frankly my memory is in such a pathetic state I am not sure whether I actually ate a banana.

Being rather annoyed and upset, I told No Name that I had high ACTH levels which the Gypsy considered a fluke, that I had high Gastrin levels which the Gypsy also considered a fluke and now I had high 5HIAA levels which were blamed on a “might have eaten” banana. (High ACTH levels could mean an ectopic tumor, high Gastrin levels could mean a gastrinoma and high 5HIAA levels could mean a carcinoid tumor.)  I asked No Name if he had any intentions to investigate this further. He just shrugged his shoulders and said that I was to repeat the 5HIAA test.

The Gypsy had told me that she was going to book a chest and an abdominal CT scan. She told me that No Name would advise me of the date. Not one word was mentioned at today’s appointment about the CT scans. Quite frankly, I think they have decided to wait and see. What they are waiting for is beyond my comprehension.

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