Since I am not planning to see Nature Boy again, I called his Naturopathic Clinic this morning and asked them to fax me my blood test results. The blood test itself consisted of a poke in the finger and 4 tiny drops of blood in a pipette. I paid a pretty penny for what was supposed to be a mystery unraveling blood test. I had been anticipating copious amounts of blood in many many test tubes.

The fax arrived in all its glory. This is what it

Name: Widebertha

Date: 09/20/2002

Primary Food Intolerance: Egg
Secondary Food Intolerance: Fruit and Dairy

The following is a list of the food in the intolerant groups. Please read these lists and follow them strictly:

DO NOT EAT THE FOLLOWING FOOD:

EGGS:  By eggs we mean all poultry eggs and all products they are contained in. Commercial lecithin is eggs. Most pastries contain eggs as do ice cream, cottage cheese, macaroni, spaghetti, noodles, candy and chewing gums. In cooking, substitute Soya lecithin or arrowroot powder.

DO NOT COMBINE THE FOLLOWING TWO FOODS FOR FOUR HOURS:

FRUIT AND DAIRY:  Fruits include the following foods; all berries Pepsi cola, coca cola, and all fruits cooked, raw or dried. All products made from fruits such as vinegar, wine, liquor, citric acid, cranberries, coconut, olives, papaya and acerola berries, dates, avocados. Any food dish cooked or flavoured with fruit. Also, commercial yogurt and cheyote squash are fruit. The following are not classified as fruit; all melons such as cantaloupe, muskmelon, watermelon and honeydew. Ground cherries and tomatoes are also not fruit.

DAIRY PRODUCTS:  Milk, cream, butter, cheese, buttermilk, goat’s milk, yogurt and any food in which any of the above are used as a part. Sodium caseinate, whey and lactic acid are milk derivatives.

Naturopathic treatments and homeopathic remedies are hampered or interfered with by medications whether they are in the form of drugs, minerals, food supplements, or herbs when taken on a continuing basis. They disturb the health balance and create symptoms.

It is known that camphor and menthol will very often stop the action of most homeopathic remedies. The action may also be interfered with, retarded or stopped by the use of vitamins, herb teas, alcoholic drinks, coffee, marijuana and other hallucinogenic drugs, antacids, aspirins, many lotions, creams, foot powders, ointments, salves containing chemicals, medicated shampoos, deodorants, antiperspirants, strong perfumes, mouthwashes and breath fresheners, aerosols, some food preservatives, some food additives, some food colours, overly processed and devitalized foods, pipes, cigars and menthol cigarettes.

It is obvious that a fool and his money are easily separated. When one gets desperate for a diagnosis, one will believe almost anything. I have no intentions of ditching my medicated shampoos, my deodorants, my perfume, my mouthwash and my antacids to name a few. Bad enough that I am called fat, depressed and menopausal. Imagine being called fat, depressed, menopausal and stinky.