The Red River Valley in Manitoba is flooded once again. Click on the following link to view pictures http://www.flickr.com/groups/redriverflood09/pool/
Thankfully the city we live in is spared flooding. I cannot imagine what an awful mess will await the families whose homes are submerged or partially submerged under water.
On a lighter note, we celebrated our grandson’s 15th birthday on April 5th with a paint ball party. After the paint ball fight the kids had pizza and birthday cake.
Poor Monty had his surgery on Wednesday. Because Monty had a condition called Cryptorchidism the surgery was more involved than at first anticipated. Poor little guy was so sad and upset when he came home. Whenever I would talk to him, Monty would roll over on his back so that I could see the results of the surgery and he would make this pathetic whinny noise.
Once Monty recuperates fully from the surgery I will continue to take him to visit my dad, My dad lives in his own apartment in a senior housing complex. We put Monty in the gym bag to take him into the complex. Funny little dog loves the gym bag and has no problems hanging out in it. Upon entering the building, Monty gets to say hello to the residents who are visiting in the common area. They love to see him and he loves to see them.
After saying hello to all the folks in the common area we take the elevator to the 2nd floor to my dad’s apartment. As soon as my dad opens his door, Monty lets him know how happy he is to be there.
Our son and daughter-in-law arrived at our house on December 24th. They flew to New York from Seattle and spent 10 days sightseeing and shopping. They love New York and hope to get back there real soon.
They had reserved seats on the train running from New York to Montreal and had anticipated a scenic trip up to Canada. What they had not anticipated was the blizzard that hit the eastern seaboard. The trip to Montreal took twice as long as it normally does. After spending a few days in Montreal they flew to Winnipeg to spend the holidays with us.
I received a unique, cute and cuddly Christmas present. At 5:00 PM on Christmas day our doorbell rang. Wondering who on earth would ring our doorbell at that time I opened the door. What I saw was a couple with the cutest little Bichon Frise puppy. The puppy was my Christmas present. I named him Montegard but he was so little we ended up calling him Monty. I took him in my arms and he immediately laid his head against my shoulder and looked up at me with those big gorgeous black eyes.
I read for a while this afternoon while Monty had a snooze beside me. He is so adorable. I make it a point of not going shopping on Boxing Day however my daughter in law persuaded me to go the pet store as soon as we had finished breakfast. Needless to say Monty is going to be spoiled rotten. We forgot for a minute that he is a boy dog and bought him a pink harness. Monty doesn’t mind. My husband decided to take Monty on his first walk since joining our family. He took a gym bag with him in case Monty got tired or his little feet got cold.
I am back home after spending last week at the lake. It is not an actual lake but a resort with three large swimming pools, three kiddie pools, water slides, pond for fishing, pool tables, out door stage for concerts and the list goes on. The weather was perfect. Grandson and his two friends had a great time. The rule was that they had to check in every two hours during the day and every hour in the evening. The pool, water slides and bike trails kept them busy from morning till late at night. They usually ended the evening with a bonfire at our trailer site and a snack and movie before bedtime. To say I am exhausted is an under statement but it was worth every ache and pain.
The resort has a fast food stand in one of the pool areas and that is where we ate our lunches. My husband would drive out to the resort after work and either bring supper or help prepare it.
The only time I felt spooked was during a nasty thunderstorm that roared through the resort one night. At times it felt like the wind was going to blow the trailer into the pond next to it. The hail and thunder made a horrendous racket. Hard to believe that the boys slept right through the storm.
December 25th, 2006 was the first Christmas without my mom. We spent Christmas Eve and Christmas day with our children, our grandson and my dad. It was a quiet day spent reading, playing games and sharing memories. I know that this Christmas was a very difficult one for my dad so I appreciate so much the effort he made to join in and be a part of our Christmas celebration and traditions.
On Christmas Eve as my grandson was placing his plate under the Christmas tree I was reminded of a story my mom would share with me when I was a little girl. The day my mom and her cousins put their plates under the tree was on the evening of December 18th. During the very early morning of December 19th, St. Nicholas filled the children’s plates with candy and gifts. He also sometimes left a willow branch under children’s pillows to warn them to be on their best behaviour.
My mom and her cousins would put their plates on their front porches. After the children were sure to be asleep their grandfather would hitch the horses to a sleigh and make sleigh tracks around each grandchild’s home. When the children woke up the next morning and checked their plates they would see the sleigh tracks left by “St. Nicholas”.
Stress is a real pain; pain is not caused by stress but stress can certainly increase pain levels. I have had about as much stress as my body can tolerate. Yesterday, December 26th, I went over to see my dad after lunch. I knew that two of his daughters were staying with him but you can imagine my surprise when I walked in the door and saw four daughters busy cleaning out closets and drawers. It did not take a mental giant to see that my dad was emotionally devastated and in no shape to deal with what was happening in his home.
Since I am not an idiot I knew that it was time to bow out of what was fast becoming a toxic sibling relationship. My blood pressure was much to high with sudden decreases which were much too low. The pain was becoming unbearable. It would take all of my will power to put this nonsense out of my mind so that my body and my soul could get a break from the horrendous stress.
Living with an autoimmune disease is difficult at the best of times. It brings with it leg cramps, foot cramps, arm cramps and hand cramps. It also brings with it severe pain, nausea, dizziness and extreme fatigue. However to be shunned and vilified by the people you should be able to trust is by far the worst side effect.
My mom passed away today. It was 10:30 AM and the sun was shining through her bedroom window. It was also shining in such a way that the snow sparkled like tiny fairy lights. I was with my mom when she left this world and entered into Glory where she heard the Lord say “well done thou good and faithful servant”. I will miss her so much. She was a very special mom.
When I was little, she would tell me this lovely story. My dad and mom were married for 11 years and had given up on a family of their own. One morning she noticed that the flag on their mailbox at the top of their driveway was facing up. To her surprise, it was a letter from their social worker in Winnipeg telling them that there was a six-month-old baby girl waiting for them.
My parents told me the story about my adoption and it became one of my favourite bedtime stories from as far back as I can remember. The story I was told is as follows: The next day my mom and dad went into the city and were taken to this house with a huge room filled with babies in cribs. They spent several hours looking around until they saw me and immediately told the social worker that I was the baby they had to have.
Needless to say the story was somewhat exaggerated since prospective parents were never shown a room full of babies to choose from but I loved that story and it made me feel very special while I was growing up.
My mom was very patient with all my questions which were many. When I was three years old I began to ask one question over and over again. I asked my mom what happened to the lady who had given me to them. Finally after weeks of trying to ignore my question since mom had no idea what happened to the lady, she said that maybe the lady had died. I was quiet for a while and then looked up at her and said, “well you could have let me go to the funeral.”
My mom was born on May 27, 1921 in Georgstahl, Ukraine Russia. She was the eldest of eight children and had many wonderful stories to tell about immigrating to Canada when she was five and about life on the prairies. It was a hard life but a rewarding one.
On July 1, 1942 she met my dad and after a short courtship they were married on November 22, 1942. They celebrated their 64th wedding anniversary just a few weeks before she died.
Mom was a multi-talented woman and a strong leader in her church and the community. She was well known as a skilled seamstress and I reaped the benefits as did many of the customers whose clothes were altered during the years that she worked at Rieger Clothing in Steinbach. She enjoyed working within her church and did all jobs and tasks as a service to the Lord. Activities she enjoyed the most were visiting mothers and babies who had joined the Cradle Roll, teaching Sunday School, being a church receptionist and leading her beloved Mission Sisters. Highlights of her community contributions were helping the Hospital Auxiliary, spinning at the Mennonite Heritage Village Museum that included interacting with so many grade school students from many of the school districts in our province and tourists from around the world. She also worked for the Weight Watchers Organization. Mom enjoyed the fellowship and companionship of other women born in 1921 as a member of the “21 Club”.
She was a devoted wife and mother and a hands on grandma and great-grandma. Even as her life was ending mom wanted others to know that Bennie and her 5 girls were the most precious things in her life. Each of her 7 grandchildren and 4 great-grandchildren were her special treasures. Mom gave her family a wonderful gift just prior to her death. On November 21st and 22nd , despite prolonged periods of unconsciousness and a body racked with pain Mom was able with tremendous effort to give each of us a personal message of support and encouragement.
It has been two months since my last journal entry. Where has the time gone? We have had excessive amounts of moisture since I last updated my diaries. Tornado warnings have accompanied a number of the rain storms. Several weekends ago a tornado touched down just six miles from our house; a bit to close for comfort. Hot temperatures finally arrived after the first of July and high humidity levels have at times been stifling. This has been a disastrous year for the farmers; some in desperation tried to plant their crops with planes. Because of the above normal rainfall many areas have flooded for the first time in years.
The seriousness of my mom’s heart condition was very evident during her last hospital stay. We almost lost her twice; once when I was alone with her and once when two other family members where with her. Her wonderful sense of humor has remained intact. Mom was finally discharged from hospital on May 25th with palliative care in place. This group of professional caretakers has been a godsend for our family. Someone comes in every morning to help her get dressed and in the evening to help her get ready for bed. A registered nurse comes in three times a week to check her vitals signs, take care of any medical problems and order medications as needed. The registered nurse has a direct line to the doctor which makes communication so much easier. Someone comes in three times a week to help my mom with her shower and my dad has respite care for two hours every afternoon so that he can go out. I spent every afternoon with my mom while she was in hospita. Now that she is home my daily visits are so much easier. I am so grateful that I have had the strength to be there for my mom. I am also grateful that my mom is able to spend what time she has left at home. This is a very difficult time but it is also a very precious time. I will always treasure the memories.
As you can see from the pictures I have managed to plant a few flowers this spring. The decision I made last year to “container garden” was a good one. With my physical limitations it is all I can manage to do. The picture inserted here shows the beautiful blooms on the crab apple trees we planted last summer. My dad provided me with some old washtubs and an old metal bathtub. My tomato plants are thriving in the old tub. When I went to buy the tomato plants I thought I was buying four; when I got home I realized there were four plants in each of the four containers. It looks like I will be getting quite a few tomatoes; hopefully they will all ripen before the first frost.
Today is my son’s 38th birthday. Seattle, Washington is a bit far to go for cake and coffee. At times like this we miss them more than ever. Hopefully some day soon they will be living within driving distance of home.
I hope to be more diligent with my diary entries. At times the daily struggles get to be too much and when that happens I tend to hibernate like a hermit. It then becomes a struggle to think let alone write.
These past four weeks have been very difficult for my family and for me. We took my mother to emergency on the morning of April 25th. Her heart rate had been as high as 150 all weekend and she finally agreed to go to emergency that morning. She was admitted to the cardiac unit.
We have almost lost her twice during this hospital stay and we do not expect her to go home again. We met with the director of the Palliative care program on Friday. If my mom’s condition improves enough that she is able to go home it will be with this program in place.
We know that our mom does not have much time left so we are spending as many hours with her as possible. I stay with her every afternoon from 12:30 to 6:00 PM and then try to go back after 8:30 PM to say goodnight to her.
Thank you to all of you who have been praying for my mom and my family. I thank God every day that he has given me the strength to be there for my mom.
Facing the loss of a mother is so incredibly difficult. For those of you who still have a mother cherish her and spend as much time with her as you can.
It has been a while since I have added to my diary entries. Lack of motivation has been the problem. How many of you have periods of time when your illness becomes overwhelming and you have absolutely no motivation or enthusiasm to seek a meaningful life? Medical professionals would probably label me as depressed but I would not agree. I do not feel depressed; just have no desire to contribute to anything outside of my little world. Sounds pathetic I know but this has been my reality during the last two months.
Thankfully spring has finally arrived and most of the snow has disappeared. My husband and his friend, both members of the Orchid Society, went on a crocus hunt last weekend and managed to find some beautiful specimens. We had periods of rain for the last three days which helped to clear the air. Quite frankly, spring is not my favourite time of year. Yes the trees begin to bud, the lawns turn green and the flowers begin to grow but over all it is a messy and obligation-filled time. Neighbours, who have perfection in mind when it comes to their yards, are out in full force preparing their properties for the summer season. All I manage to do is sit in the house and listen to their efforts while making lists of all the things that need to be accomplished in our yard. Don’t get me wrong, I love flowers gardens, beautiful lawns and trees. I just don’t have the energy and good health to go out there and make these things happen. Thank goodness for the six foot fence surrounding our back yard. It keeps my pathetic attempts at gardening from the public view.
Last spring I realized that my plans for elaborate flower beds would have to be shelved. There was no way I could keep up with the weeding and care that these beds would require. Instead I began what I call container gardening. My father provided me with numerous old wash tubs which I filled with flowers. I was actually quite impressed with the result and the upkeep was so much simpler than flower beds. My dad loves antique and auction sales and over the winter he managed to find a few more old wash tubs. They have been added to my collection. During the latter part of May I will head over to the greenhouses, pick out my selection of flowers for this summer and plant them in the tubs. Where we live, it is not a good idea to put out bedding plants until after the May long weekend. The risk of frost is just too great.
My daughter was hospitalized for three weeks in March which was a difficult time for our family. Bipolar disorder is such a nasty illness and can rear its ugly head at any time. Her last hospitalization was exactly two years ago and she had been doing so well. Since his dad leaves for work by 5:45 AM we all decided it would be better if our grandson stayed with us during this time. It was just too hard for grandson to get up that early, get dropped off at our house so that he could sleep a few more hours before it was time to go to school. Our son-in-law would come for supper on the nights he did not go in to the city to visit our daughter. On those nights he would help Grandson with his homework and hang out with him until it was bedtime. I drove Grandson to school every morning because that was the only time he would talk to me about his worries and concerns. He asked some very difficult questions about his mom’s illness. I wish I had a magic wand that could make this illness disappear. It is so hard on my daughter, my son-in-law and my grandson. My daughter was discharged on March 29th but it was probably too soon. She is dealing with a deep depression which is very worrisome but on the upside she has been making the effort to go into work for a few hours every day at her dad’s business.
The highlight in March was our son’s visit. Our son and daughter-in-law’s US visa renewals began in August, 2004 and were finally issued the second week in March. During the renewal process they were not able to leave the US. Our son had been very anxious to come and see his grandma who has been sick since September 2004 and he was finally able to do so. We had a wonderful visit with him and he was able to spend every afternoon with his grandparents. Sadly his visit was very short; he left on March 29th. We are looking forward to this summer when both our son and daughter-in-law will be flying out for a much longer time.
Grandson celebrated his 11th birthday on April 5th. Were does the time go? We had a small family celebration at our house that evening and his papa and I are having a birthday party for him this coming Sunday. I decided to do it the easy way by renting the pool at the local hotel. The kids will swim from 3:00 – 5:00 PM after which we will order in pizza. The hotel includes a hotel room and a party room with the rental. The party room has tables, chairs, couches, fireplace and a small kitchen. After pizza the kids can hang out in the party room until 7:00 PM.
My bone scan took place in February but I have not heard back from my family doctor or the Rheumatologist who ordered the scan. I suppose this means that it was normal. I realize it sounds ridiculous but I had hoped that it would provide the answer to why I have this continuous bone pain. The cardiologist I saw in 2002 told me that he felt that my health problems were a direct result of the RAI (Radio Active Iodine) I had in April, 1998. According to him, and I should add that he is a top cardiologist and very well respected, RAI can sometimes leave a patient with irreversible damage. He told us that he had seen other cases like mine where a patient had submitted to RAI and ended up with a new set of nasty symptoms and health problems. The cardiologist also told us that we would be hard pressed to find an endocrinologist who would admit that RAI can cause life long problems. I was not willing to accept that this would be my lot in life. However, in the last few months I have slowly begun to accept that the cardiologist was probably right and that I will have to learn to live with and accept the pain and the limitations. There is however a slight hope that having my thyroid removed surgically might improve my over all health. A friend of mine has an endocrinologist who told her that he has removed thyroid glands from patients after they had RAI treatment. Once the damaged thyroid gland was removed these patients had a much better quality of life. This is an option that I am going to pursue. I have nothing to loose except a damaged thyroid gland.
If any of you are contemplating RAI please think long and hard about it. For me this was the worst mistake I ever made. I was naive and trusted my doctor to do what was best for me. I had never heard of Graves’ disease before my diagnosis and I was overjoyed when my endocrinologist told me that after RAI I would have my health and my life back. She even went as far to tell me that I would probably not become hypothyroid but just in case I did, all I would have to do was take a little pill for the rest of my life and everything would be okay. Talk about a fairy tale. I was given no options; surgery was never even mentioned. When you make a decision about Graves’ disease treatments please research all your options, ask questions and get a second opinion. The results of RAI can haunt you for the rest of your life.
This past week has been a mixed bag of joy and despair. As I have surely mentioned before, my grandson was picked to play on the hockey team that was participating in this year’s Provincial Hockey Tournament. His dad, his papa and another dad drove out to Provincials with three very excited and hyper players. They left Thursday, March 4th at 4:30 PM and arrived at Provincials 5 hours later. The team played very well and came home with the bronze medal. My grandson phoned me from the arena late Sunday afternoon to tell me the good news. Papa and the two dads were beyond tired when they arrived home at 10:00 PM on Sunday night, March 7th. Grandson wore his bronze medal to school the next day.
My daughter and I spent a lazy weekend at home while the guys were at the tournament. True to form, daughter made a fantastic fresh shrimp salad on Friday evening. She decided to bring her two cats to my house for the weekend so she didn’t have to run back and forth to feed them. This provided a bit of excitement for us. My cat was not impressed with his house guests. After he established his boundaries with hissing and growling, the three cats co-existed for the remainder of the weekend. My daughter and I kept ourselves entertained with reading; sleeping, movies and watching the cats interact.
Yesterday afternoon my parents, and I drove into the city to attend the wedding of our cousin and niece. The roads were good on the way into the city but coming home was another story. While we were at the reception it started to rain and the temperature dropped so the roads were a covered with ice on the drive home. To say we were relieved when we finally got home is an understatement. I hate icy road conditions.
What I found very distressing yesterday was how difficult it was for me to get ready to go out to the wedding. Simple things like putting on panty hose and make up become a real chore with this all consuming bone pain. By the time I was dressed the sweat was running down my face and neck. When I got up on Saturday morning I realized very quickly that I was having trouble keeping my balance just walking around in my house. I swallowed my pride and took my cane with me to the wedding.
To back track a bit, my grandson came over on Friday night for his weekly sleep over. Since I felt miserable that evening I promised him that I would watch a movie with him on Saturday morning. He woke me up at 8:30 AM with a big smile on his face and a cheery “Good morning, Nana.” I have to confess that his Nana was a supreme grump and I felt horribly guilty. This poor child should not have to face a grumpy Nana just because she feels like death warmed over. I do try very hard to hide how miserable I feel but sometimes my acting abilities fail me. After 20 minutes I managed to get this wretched body of mine moving and we drove to McDonalds to pick up breakfast which we ate while watching our movie. After the movie I showered and with much moaning and groaning got dressed for the wedding later that day. When I was done I walked into the computer room where that sweet child was playing computer games. He looked at me and said, “Nana you are beautiful.” That precious grandson of mine always manages to brighten my day.
This coming week Wednesday I will see No Name to discuss the outcome of my appointment with the hypertension specialist. We also need to discuss the results of the tests No Name ordered on January 27th. Since I have a copy of the test results I know that my cortisol level and potassium level were low. I do think that the low cortisol level and low potassium level are partly responsible for the extreme fatigue and pain I am experiencing. Dare I hope that No Name will have a sudden burst of inspiration and actually come up with some ideas? If he does the shock might just be too much for both of us.
Since Seattle is experiencing much nicer weather than we are, I have decided to pack up my decrepit body and fly out there for a visit. I am looking forward to spending time with my son and daughter-in-law.
Not Over Till The Fat Lady Sings 