Not Over Till The Fat Lady Sings

This afternoon I had another appointment with No Name. I received a phone call from his office on Friday telling me the great one had summoned me to appear at his clinic on Monday to discuss a lab result.

The appointment was a colossal waste of time as far as I was concerned. No Name informed me that my 5HIAA test had come back high. In the next breathe he informed me that it was probably high because of the banana I had eaten three days before the test. Needless to say I was rather ticked off.  I had made a special point of looking the 5HIAA test up on the internet and asking the lab technician at the clinic about food restrictions before taking this test. In fact I specifically asked her about bananas. The lab tech informed me that the head cheese at the esteemed city hospital lab had told her that no such food restrictions were necessary.

However, now that the test has come back high, they are quick to blame it on the one little banana I might have eaten. Quite frankly my memory is in such a pathetic state I am not sure whether I actually ate a banana.

Being rather annoyed and upset, I told No Name that I had high ACTH levels which the Gypsy considered a fluke, that I had high Gastrin levels which the Gypsy also considered a fluke and now I had high 5HIAA levels which were blamed on a “might have eaten” banana. (High ACTH levels could mean an ectopic tumor, high Gastrin levels could mean a gastrinoma and high 5HIAA levels could mean a carcinoid tumor.)  I asked No Name if he had any intentions to investigate this further. He just shrugged his shoulders and said that I was to repeat the 5HIAA test.

The Gypsy had told me that she was going to book a chest and an abdominal CT scan. She told me that No Name would advise me of the date. Not one word was mentioned at today’s appointment about the CT scans. Quite frankly, I think they have decided to wait and see. What they are waiting for is beyond my comprehension.

Since I am not planning to see Nature Boy again, I called his Naturopathic Clinic this morning and asked them to fax me my blood test results. The blood test itself consisted of a poke in the finger and 4 tiny drops of blood in a pipette. I paid a pretty penny for what was supposed to be a mystery unraveling blood test. I had been anticipating copious amounts of blood in many many test tubes.

The fax arrived in all its glory. This is what it

Name: Widebertha

Date: 09/20/2002

Primary Food Intolerance: Egg
Secondary Food Intolerance: Fruit and Dairy

The following is a list of the food in the intolerant groups. Please read these lists and follow them strictly:

DO NOT EAT THE FOLLOWING FOOD:

EGGS:  By eggs we mean all poultry eggs and all products they are contained in. Commercial lecithin is eggs. Most pastries contain eggs as do ice cream, cottage cheese, macaroni, spaghetti, noodles, candy and chewing gums. In cooking, substitute Soya lecithin or arrowroot powder.

DO NOT COMBINE THE FOLLOWING TWO FOODS FOR FOUR HOURS:

FRUIT AND DAIRY:  Fruits include the following foods; all berries Pepsi cola, coca cola, and all fruits cooked, raw or dried. All products made from fruits such as vinegar, wine, liquor, citric acid, cranberries, coconut, olives, papaya and acerola berries, dates, avocados. Any food dish cooked or flavoured with fruit. Also, commercial yogurt and cheyote squash are fruit. The following are not classified as fruit; all melons such as cantaloupe, muskmelon, watermelon and honeydew. Ground cherries and tomatoes are also not fruit.

DAIRY PRODUCTS:  Milk, cream, butter, cheese, buttermilk, goat’s milk, yogurt and any food in which any of the above are used as a part. Sodium caseinate, whey and lactic acid are milk derivatives.

Naturopathic treatments and homeopathic remedies are hampered or interfered with by medications whether they are in the form of drugs, minerals, food supplements, or herbs when taken on a continuing basis. They disturb the health balance and create symptoms.

It is known that camphor and menthol will very often stop the action of most homeopathic remedies. The action may also be interfered with, retarded or stopped by the use of vitamins, herb teas, alcoholic drinks, coffee, marijuana and other hallucinogenic drugs, antacids, aspirins, many lotions, creams, foot powders, ointments, salves containing chemicals, medicated shampoos, deodorants, antiperspirants, strong perfumes, mouthwashes and breath fresheners, aerosols, some food preservatives, some food additives, some food colours, overly processed and devitalized foods, pipes, cigars and menthol cigarettes.

It is obvious that a fool and his money are easily separated. When one gets desperate for a diagnosis, one will believe almost anything. I have no intentions of ditching my medicated shampoos, my deodorants, my perfume, my mouthwash and my antacids to name a few. Bad enough that I am called fat, depressed and menopausal. Imagine being called fat, depressed, menopausal and stinky.

It is the end of another week and my pathetic saga continues.  Today I had another appointment with No Name.  He began by mentioning my high gastrin levels and was surprised that I already knew about them.  I reminded him that I had been to an appointment on Tuesday with Gypsy.  I also reminded him that he had referred me to Gypsy and that Gypsy had told me about the high levels.  Gypsy is in the same clinic as No Name.  While I waited he browsed through the report she had written on the computer.  Apparently Gypsy is claiming that my high gastrin levels could be due to stomach acid.  According to her report she is not very concerned at all.  In fact, Gypsy seems to have forgotten that along with the high gastrin levels I also have high ACTH levels.  But then, silly me, I actually expect a specialist to have read through my doctor’s report before I come to an appointment and remember test results that are high.  Gypsy told me that she would book a CT scan as soon as possible but I would probably have to wait four weeks.  No Name found no mention of this CT scan in her report.  Hopefully one of them remembers to actually book it.  Maybe it is time I book an MRI in the town just across the Canadian border.

No Name was concerned about my high blood pressure.  According to the results from the 24 hour blood pressure monitor, my blood pressure remains too high during the day and does not go down significantly at night.  Apparently this is a problem and he has prescribed medication for me; something called Diovan (valsartan capsules).  No Name assured me these pills had no side effects; and I have a bridge to sell you.

I felt immensely frustrated and disappointed after my appointment with No Name.  It seems when I finally take one step forward I have to take 6 steps back.  These geniuses who believe that they have the right to practice medicine cannot put 2 and 2 together and come up with 4.  When I have test results that are not the norm they consider them to be flukes.  I have come to the conclusion that these highly esteemed morons are not capable of looking at a series of tests and symptoms and coming up with a plausible answer.

As if I don’t have enough to complain about my ears have taken on a life of their own.  I have been bothered by tinnitus for some time now.   It seems the bugs have decided to throw a week long party; the noise seems so loud I think that people standing next to me must surely hear it too.

At noon today I went to have my usual Friday lunch with my parents.  They will be celebrating their 60th wedding anniversary on November 22nd.

Remember if a man is the head of his house, the woman is the neck.  The neck always dictates where the head will turn.

Yesterday afternoon I went to my long anticipated appointment with the Gypsy, a doctor of internal medicine.  The first time I saw the Gypsy was on April 14th, 2001. The last time I saw the Gypsy was on May 23rd, 2001.

My expectations around this appointment were extremely low.   My last appointment with the Gypsy could not be classified as a huge success.  Actually it was quite the opposite and at that time I did have high expectations.  In 2001 I was still naive enough to believe that eventually I would be diagnosed.  It is now November, 2002 and trust me; all my innocent and naive conceptions about the medical system working for me   Quite frankly, I think I must be one of their biggest jokes.  I can just see them muttering under their breath, “HeeHee, here comes Widebertha; let us see if we have managed to drive her crazy,” or perhaps singing, “another one bites the dust.”

After my last appointment with Gypsy she wrote that she and I quote, “I can’t come up with a unifying diagnosis.”  She then went on to insult my intelligence by stating that “Widebertha again focuses on her polydipsia (thirst) and I think that there is a possibility that this could be a psychogenic problem.”  Duh, do you think that I drink gallons of liquids because I love to drink and in turn, love to pee?”  Time for someone to get a grip and I don’t mean me.  Gypsy also stated, “I think it is worthwhile sending her to another endocrinologist.”  Gypsy referred me to Supercilious and the nightmare continued.

Halloween was a success and loads of fun.  The spooky front yard certainly caused some excitement in the neighbourhood.  We had approximately 150 children stop by.  The only disappointment was that by the time the kids came to trick or treat I was much too tired to get dressed up.  The high light of the evening was the trick or treater who came and stayed a while, namely Grandson.

I finally had all the blood tests done that No Name ordered on October 29th.  The lab tech at the clinic lab made the arrangements and I am so very grateful to her.  She had the hospital in the city send out all the tubes, special instructions, dry ice, and what ever else was needed.   The tests were done on Friday, November 1st.  The urine tests took a bit longer to organize and I will have to wait until next week to complete the last one.

As of Friday, November 1st, I was able to take melatonin again.   I took two pills at bedtime on Friday night and slept for a total of 3 1/2 hours.  You cannot imagine how different I felt the next morning.  On Saturday night, November 2nd I took one pill at bedtime and slept a total of 4 1/2 hours.  This was a miracle, especially after my totally sleepless nights last week.  Sunday, November 3rd I slept a total of 6 hours.  Even though I did not sleep 6 hours in one stretch or even 4 hours in one stretch, the melatonin made a huge difference.  At least I was able to sleep!  I sleep deeper, and even though the adrenaline jolts still wake me up, I am able to get back to sleep faster.

I have no idea why the melatonin helps but it does.  Until the charlatans who are responsible for my medical care come up with something better, I will never again be without melatonin.

According to my research, melatonin is made in our bodies by the pineal gland.  The pineal gland is a tiny structure located at the base of the brain.  Maybe my pineal gland makes no melatonin?  Do ya think?

For the last three days I have been frantically bringing in and cleaning up the patio furniture.  A good soak and scrub in javex and an industrial strength cleaner whitens it right up.  Cleaned up all the toys in the sandbox and covered it for the long winter ahead.  Wish our summers were longer.

Yesterday morning I went to the clinic to have the 24 hour blood pressure monitor put on.  The results were not good.  It came off today at 11:30 AM which was none to soon.  I, of course, was left with huge bruises on my arm.  I suppose I will be put on high blood pressure medication.  I wish they could tell me why I have high blood pressure and fluid retention.  Maybe if some doctor took the time to figure out why, something could be done about the root cause.

I spent most of today in the mall with my daughter.  She participated in a craft fair and had her handmade jewelry on display.   When I got home at 5:00 PM I literally crashed.  I had no idea these all day mall events could be so tiring.  I got up to have pizza with Papa and Grandson and then went right back into bed.   Sounds alarmingly like the behaviour one would expect from a 90 year old.

Yesterday morning I called No Name’s office and talked to his nurse.  I told her that I was feeling worse than I had been feeling on October 18th and that my blood pressure was going up.  She told me that No Name was writing exams and would not be in until today.  I must ask No Name why he is always writing exams.  She told me that she and another nurse would have a chat with him today, relay their concerns about my health and show him the information I had brought in last week.

The nurse called at 10:00 this morning and told me to come in at 1:40 this afternoon.  The nurse took my blood pressure as soon as I arrived at the clinic.  It was 182/100 which is up from Friday and much too high even for me.   To my surprise No Name showed some genuine concern about my blood pressure.  He seemed concerned as well about the double vision I have been experiencing these last two weeks, about the strange shapes I see in my peripheral vision, about the not sleeping at all side effect of the sleeping pills, about my loss of balance, about slurring my words, about the redness of my face, about the struggle I have to focus and about the return with a vengeance of the water retention.  My legs, feet, hands and face are very swollen.

No Name told me I had written a good outline of what I thought needed to be done.  He agreed that I needed to get some of the tests done that I had mentioned on my list.  No Name asked me if I would consider going to the hospital but I politely refused.  I told him that I had promised my grandson we would make tombstones after school today and I would not break my promise.  After looking at me aghast, I reassured him that the tombstones were for Halloween.  Quite frankly I have absolutely no faith in a hospital whose lab refuses to do any tests that involve anything more complicated than a sodium and potassium test. No Name ordered the following tests:

Gastrin – A test that measures the amount of gastrin in the blood.  Gastrin is the major hormone that regulates acid secretion in the stomach.

CEA – A blood test for CEA is often used as a tumor marker.

Calcitonin – A test that measures the amount of the hormone calcitonin in the blood.  This test will be sent to the Mayo Clinic.

Tryptase – Mast cell tryptase is a protease that is found in mast cell granules and secreted upon stimulation of the cell together with histamine.

CA-125 – for diagnosing Ovarian Cancer

5HIAA – This test measure the amount of 5-Hydroxyindoleacetic acid levels in the urine.  It is used to diagnose Carcinoid tumors.

24 hour urine for Catecholamines

24 hour urine for Creatinine clearance

24 hour urine for Protein

After my appointment with No Name, I stopped in at the clinic lab.  After a short discussion with the lab tech it was decided that I would go to the hospital for my tests.  I should have known better.  The lab techs at the hospital refused to do calcitonin, gastrin, tryptase, CA-125  and the 5HIAA.  They gave me their standard party line which is, “We do not perform such time consuming and complicated tests here at the hospital, and no, we never have inpatients that need these kinds of tests done!  This just reinforced my belief that I would need a tombstone if I actually checked into this hospital.

WeeWillyWooze, the director of the hospital lab has trained his lab techs very well.  They just say NO.

The hospital lab did the CEA test; gave me the wrong bottle and wrong instructions for the 5HIAA and sent me on my merry way.

After my blood test I hurried home to print out a copy of my province’s instructions on how a doctor can order DHEA from Health Canada.  I took this back to No Name’s office.  Hopefully he will read it; follow the simple instructions and order some DHEA for me.  I am quite sure I will have to wait until “pigs fly”.

My husband picked Grandson up at school at 3:30 PM and the three of us spent the rest of the afternoon until dinner time getting ready for Halloween.  The front yard looks quite scary; the tombstones turned out great, the skeletons and bones have a fresh “glow in the dark” spray on them.  The witches in the trees have been fitted with new batteries so they will howl appropriately.  The ghosts too have had their batteries replaced and the “woowoo’s” should be rather creepy.  The standing pumpkins and skeletons have had their lights checked and are casting the right shadows.  The bushes have been strung with skeleton and pumpkin lights.   The spot lights are working and casting just the right eerie spell over the whole front yard.   The huge 6 foot wide by 6 foot high pumpkin is ready to put out on the lawn tomorrow afternoon.  It lights up, has a pump attached and continuously fills with air.  Tomorrow night should be a lot of fun.

After all these sleepless nights I am beginning to wonder if a person can actually die from lack of sleep.  No Name and I actually agreed upon something.  He agreed with me that the sleeping pills had to go.  No Name did say he had never run into a patient before who had this kind of reaction to sleeping pills.  Oh well, I am a first I guess.

We decided to take a break this weekend and spend two nights in the city.  Grandson and his friend came with us.

The kids absolutely loved the hotel room.  Built into the main room was a kids’ room equipped with two sets of bunk beds, TV, VCR, Nintendo 64, CD player and telephone.  Each bunk had its own speakers, Nintendo controller and TV controller.  The hotel room had a computer and since I was unable to sleep I was able to hang out on line during the night.

Saturday morning we took the two eight year olds to Future Shop and Office Depot as promised.  Saturday at noon the kids were picked up by one of the parents and taken back home so both boys could play hockey that afternoon.  After the game a different parent brought them back to the city.

We promised them McDonalds for supper on Saturday after which we spent the evening celebrating  Halloween at the Zoo.  The name for this event at the zoo is “Boo at the Zoo”.   We have been taking our grandson since his third birthday.  We had a wonderful time and I actually managed to hobble around the whole site using my cane.  It is amazing the amount of energy you can get from the enthusiasm of children.

Fortunately the boys were both young enough to get a few real scares; the headless horseman being one of them.  After all why else would you go to fright night at the zoo?   Sunday after brunch it was back to Future Shop and then home.

By the time we got home late this afternoon, my blood pressure was up to 180/110.  I had trouble focusing my eyes, balancing and was experiencing pretty severe dizzy spells.  One would think that I was 98 years old and ready for a rest home!

The sleeping pills are turning out to be a joke and a bad one at that.  I took the first one the night of the 18th.  I have had virtually no sleep since the 18th.  I called the doctor’s office before we left for the city on Friday and was told that sometimes our bodies need time to adjust to medication.  Give me a break!  This medication makes me so hyper I could hang from the rafters.  This past week I have managed to rearrange my den, sort through all my books and reorganize all my files.  One of the bad side effects from this medication is that not only can I not sleep but I cannot sit still.  My body is in constant motion.  This is not a nice trip to be on.  I have always wondered about medications with “pam” at the end of their name.

Happy Birthday Peter.

Wishing you a very Happy Birthday and many, many years filled with health, happiness and prosperity.  Thank you for being here – I couldn’t have handled this health nightmare without you.  Hopefully a miracle will happen and we will finally get our lives back in 2003.

This information is for those of you living in Manitoba, Canada.  You can find this statement on the website of the College of Physicians and Surgeons, Manitoba at http://www.gov.mb.ca/health/mlpimg/index.html

The statement reads as follows:

The Medical Licensure Program for International Medical Graduates (MLPIMG) will assist foreign trained physicians to obtain medical licensure to practise as primary care physicians in Manitoba.

“International Medical Graduates may apply to the Faculty of Medicine, University of Manitoba for an assessment to determine if they have the medical knowledge and skills required for licensure in Manitoba.  The process includes written and oral examinations as well as a clinical assessment using the Clinicians Assessment and Professional Enhancement (CAPE) process.

International Medical Graduates who complete the assessment with satisfactory results and who meet all other requirements for conditional registration may apply to the College of Physicians and Surgeons of Manitoba to determine their eligibility for conditional registration.  They will have up to 5 years to complete the Medical Council of Canada Qualifying Examinations.  During that period the International Medical Graduate will practise in an underserviced area of the province (as declared by the Minister of Health for the Province of Manitoba) with a medical practice advisor who will provide support and guidance to the individual.

If the assessment process identifies that additional training is needed to meet the licensure requirements, International Medical Graduates may be eligible for a training program offered by the Faculty of Medicine.  This individualized program is designed to enhance the physician’s previous training and address the specific learning needs as identified in the assessment process.  The enhanced training must be completed within one year.”

This makes me wonder if this policy is in effect in all the provinces of Canada.  When the computer at the pharmacy supposedly brought up a message saying that the doctor who had written out my prescription “did not have a valid Canadian Medical licence, was this more than just a “computer error?”

Hopefully this policy is not in effect in every province in Canada because I did not sign a paper stating that I was willing to be a lab rat.

On September 16th, 2002 my diary entry was called “At Risk for Losing Treatment Options?”   I included a number of links that tell the story of Dr. Derry.

The following exerpt was taken from:   http://www.bites-medical.org/dderry/

“On June 11, 2002, the College of Physicians & Surgeons of British Columbia succeeded in temporarily suspending the medical licence of Dr. Derry, a Victoria, British Columbia MD who has successfully treated about two thousand thyroid patients. His success was often after specialists had been unable to help these patients. The College did this after removing Dr. Derry’s thyroid prescribing privileges in November 2001 and assuring a Supreme Court judge in December 2001 to investigate Dr. Derry’s thyroid treatment practices. Instead of carrying out their court assurances, they looked through files of Dr. Derry’s patients +with other health conditions, and used the non-thyroid-related deaths of two patients as grounds for suspending his licence.

The College had thus left Dr. Derry without the ability to prescribe thyroid medication for seven months, and then without the means to earn a living. This interim suspension had been planned to coincide shortly before summer, when the College Executive Council members would be taking vacations. All this had happened without a fair investigation into Dr. Derry’s treatment and despite his huge success in treating thyroid patients.

On June 25, a Supreme Court judge, Mr. Justice Pitfield, stated that self-governing bodies must be more accountable. Unless the College holds an investigation into Dr. Derry’s treatment by September 30, 2002, the suspension of Dr. Derry’s thyroid prescribing privileges and medical licence will no longer be valid. This investigation, if it takes place, must be based on clear evidence.

The College will tell you that this hearing is about a doctor whose treatment is “dangerous.” Patients of Dr. Derry will tell you that it’s about a witchhunt of a successful MD who treats patients the way he was taught in medical school because it works—but which doesn’t fall in line with what pharmaceutical companies push or what sometimes misleading lab results may indicate.”

Dr. David Michael Derry – Disciplinary Action